Feedback Techniques

80% of feedback never changes behavior. Not because people don’t care… But because of how it’s delivered. Your style and tone makes a difference. The feedback you give can spark change or trigger resistance. It’s not about being “nice” or “tough.” It’s about being strategic. Here are 5 approaches that turn tough conversations into growth opportunities: 1. COIN Method For when performance needs a reset. Most people jump straight to criticism. But starting with context creates safety. “In yesterday’s meeting…” feels specific. “You always…” feels like an attack. The magic is in the Next step: Don’t just point out problems. Co-create solutions. 2. SBI Model For when you’re recognizing wins or addressing gaps. Vague praise like “Great job” doesn’t teach. Specific feedback does. “When you asked that clarifying question, the client leaned in…” That’s something they can actually repeat. 3. STAR/AR Method For when someone’s ready to level up. Most feedback looks backward. This one builds forward. Review what happened → then explore alternatives. You’re not just fixing mistakes. You’re expanding capacity. 4. DESC Script For when you need to set boundaries. Boundaries don’t push people away. They build trust. The key is Express. Own your experience without blame. “I feel…” lands. “You make me feel…” doesn’t. That’s how accountability shifts. 5. GROW Model For when someone needs guidance, not answers Old-school feedback = “Here’s what to do.” GROW = “Let’s uncover it together.” The power move? Stay curious longer. Ask “What else?” at least 3 times. The best ideas usually come last. One more truth: timing beats technique. Give feedback within 48 hours when memory is fresh. Don’t fire off complaints in the moment. And don’t wait for the once-a-year performance review. Find the sweet spot where perspective is clear and the moment still matters. That’s when feedback creates growth. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or your team) have conversations that actually create change. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

In the beginning of my career, when I got corrective feedback at work – I took it as a personal attack on me & my effectiveness. Being at the end of receiving critical feedback is certainly not fun but this is what I have learned to do over the years:   1) I stifle my urge to respond immediately – even if I ferociously disagree with the feedback, I now take time to reflect. I have become cautious of my urge to react. 2) Next, I think if my relationship with the person is affecting my response to the feedback. In the past I have noticed that if I didn't trust or respect the person, I would marginalize or completely ignore the feedback & that was dangerous. 3) Then I focus on the core message & not just the words. Sometimes things are said in anger/ frustration & it distracts us from the core issue. 4) Then I ask myself if I have heard the feedback in the past & if it is a recurring theme. If I still have doubts on the validity of the feedback or it confuses me, I check with someone I trust. 5) Finally, if I believe that there is something there, I think about how I can address it & ask for help.   Feedback is not about agreeing with everything that comes our way. We have every right to throw out the toxic feedback & retain what matters. But it is about listening openly; reflecting & using it in a way that makes sense to us. #Makingthemostoffeedback

At Radical Candor, I often hear the question, "How do I know if my feedback is landing?" The answer is simple but not always easy: Radical Candor is measured not at your mouth, but at the listener’s ear. It’s not about what you said, it’s about how the other person heard it and whether it led to meaningful dialogue and growth. Before you start giving feedback, remember the Radical Candor order of operations: get feedback before you give it. The best way to understand how another person thinks is to ask them directly and reward their candor. Next, give praise that is specific and sincere. This helps remind you what you appreciate about your colleagues, so when you do offer criticism, you can do it in the spirit of being helpful to someone you care about. When giving feedback, start in a neutral place. Don't begin at the outer edge of Challenge Directly, as this might come across as Obnoxious Aggression. Just make sure you're above the line on Care Personally and clear about what you're saying. Pay attention to how the other person responds - are they receptive, defensive, sad, or angry? Their reaction will guide your next steps. If someone becomes sad or angry, this is your cue to move up on the Care Personally dimension. Don't back off your challenge - that leads to Ruinous Empathy. Instead, acknowledge the emotion you're noticing: 'It seems like I've upset you.' Remember that emotions are natural and inevitable at work. Sometimes just giving voice to them helps both people cope better. If someone isn't hearing your feedback or brushing it off, you'll need to move further out on Challenge Directly. This can feel uncomfortable, but remember - clear is kind. You might say, 'I want to make sure I'm being as clear as possible' or 'I don't feel like I'm being clear.' Use 'I' statements and come prepared with specific examples. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if feedback conversations sometimes go sideways. We tend to remember the one time feedback went wrong and forget the nine times it helped someone improve and strengthened our relationship. Focus on optimizing for those nine successes rather than avoiding the one potential difficult conversation. Creating a culture of feedback takes time and practice. Each conversation is an opportunity to get better at both giving and receiving feedback. When you get it right, feedback becomes a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and achieving better results together. What’s one small adjustment you’ve made to give or receive better feedback? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Leaders who avoid hard feedback aren’t protecting their people, they are setting them up to fail. Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have in leadership but it’s also one of the most misused. Because leaders confuse compassion with avoidance, softening the truth until it loses all usefulness, or withholding it altogether under the guise of kindness. Compassionate feedback is about caring enough to be honest, in a way that allows other people to hear it. At APS Intelligence, we use a framework for compassionate feedback, designed to ensure that even difficult messages are delivered with clarity and respect: 1. Frame the feedback - Start by recognising effort and value to create psychological safety and remind people their work is seen and appreciated. 2. Ask permission - Feedback lands better when people feel like they have agency. Asking “Can I talk to you about something I’ve noticed?” is, as Dr. Shelby Hill says, a gentle knock on the door of someone’s psyche instead of barging in. 3. Be precise and objective - Describe what you’ve observed, not your interpretation of it. Feedback should focus on behaviour, not character. 4. Explain the impact - Share how the behaviour affects others or the work. Clarity about consequences builds accountability without blame. 5. Stay curious and open - Avoid assumptions. Ask questions that invite dialogue and understanding, not defence. 6. Collaborate on next steps - Offer support, not ultimatums. Feedback should be a shared problem to solve instead of a burden to bear. 7. End with perspective - Reaffirm their strengths and remind them that one issue does not define their value. Compassionate feedback allows honesty and humanity to coexist. It ensures that when people walk away, they feel respected, even if the message was hard to hear. This is a framework we use often at APS Intelligence. You can book a tailored workshop for your people managers or leadership cohorts to explore this further.

When I first asked my team for feedback, the room went SILENT. Why? Because speaking the truth felt too risky. This isn’t just my story, it’s the reality in countless workplaces. Here’s the truth: feedback is a minefield. 🔴 Done wrong? It breeds tension and mistrust. 🟢 Done right? It fixes problems—it transforms teams. Here’s how to get it right: 1/ Timing Is Everything ↳ Feedback during chaos? Disaster. Wait for a calm moment. ↳ A private 1-on-1 works best. 💡 Pro Tip: Start with a positive comment—it sets the tone. 2/ Lead With Solutions ↳ Complaints without fixes = noise. Solutions = action. ↳ Try this: “We could avoid confusion with more clarity upfront. What do you think?” 💡 Pro Tip: Frame solutions as support for the team’s success, not criticism. 3/ Be Clear, Not Cryptic ↳ Instead of “Communication could be better,” say: ↳ “Inconsistent updates slow me down. Weekly check-ins might help.” 💡 Pro Tip: Use examples to back it up—clarity builds trust. 4/ Use “I” Instead of “You” ↳ Feedback isn’t a blame game. Stick to “I” statements to share your perspective. ↳ Example: “I feel I don’t have enough autonomy to contribute fully.” 💡 Pro Tip: Highlight how solving the issue benefits the whole team. 5/ Know When to Let It Go ↳ Pick your battles. Save your energy for what really matters. ↳ Does this impact the team or my work? If not, let it go. 💡 Pro Tip: Focus feedback on what aligns with team goals. 6/ End With a Vision ↳ Great feedback doesn’t just fix problems—it builds something better. ↳ Paint the big picture: “Here’s how this change could help the team hit the next level.” 💡 Pro Tip: Vision-driven feedback inspires action. The takeaway? Feedback isn’t about proving you’re right, it’s about progress. Master these steps, and you’ll not only solve problems, but you’ll also earn respect and trust. What’s your biggest feedback fail (or win)? Share it below. 👇 ♻️ Repost to help your network get better! ➕ And follow Shulin Lee for more.

I once dreaded design reviews. Now, I use them as a tool. All of us go through this shift. Negative feedback, constructive or not, made me defensive. It felt like an insult. I took it personally and often went through the five stages of grief: 1. Denial "They must have misunderstood my design; there's no way it's actually that bad." 2. Anger "How dare they criticize my work like that? They don't understand my vision at all!" 3. Bargaining "Maybe if I just tweak this one part, they'll see how great the overall concept is." 4. Depression "I'm clearly not cut out for this; maybe I should just give up." 5. Acceptance "Okay, okay, I will make the changes; maybe it will make the design better." Knowing how to receive and act on feedback is part of a designer's job and is also what differentiates good and bad designers. It took me a while to understand that. Here are some tips that can help you: 1. Be open-minded. Embrace new perspectives, even challenging ones. Critique aims to improve your design, not undermine your skills. 2. Ask clarifying questions if unsure. Request specific examples or detail explanations. 3. Your work isn't you. Feeling attached to designs is natural. Remember, critique isn't personal. View your design objectively. 4. Resist arguing. Listen fully and thank them for their input. If you disagree, reflect and follow up later. After you get the feedback, don't address it right away. Give yourself time to reflect on what was discussed. As I like to tell all my mentees: "Don't implement the feedback blindly. Push it through your own point of view. Use it as a guide, not as a requirement. You are the designer."

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

I stopped treating feedback like criticism and started treating it like free consulting. Because feedback isn’t about your worth. It’s about your blind spots. Most people waste feedback. They get defensive. They explain themselves. They ignore it. And then they wonder why nothing changes. ✅ How to treat feedback like free consulting (the real playbook): 1️⃣ Stop waiting for annual reviews. If you only hear feedback once a year, you’re already behind. Create your own feedback loop monthly, even weekly. 2️⃣ Ask sharper questions. Don’t ask “How am I doing?” Ask “What’s one thing I could do that would change the way you see me as a leader?” 3️⃣ Separate emotion from data. Feedback stings. That’s normal. But behind the sting is data. Extract it, use it, move forward. 4️⃣ Interrogate the source. Not all feedback is equal. Filter advice through one lens: Has this person achieved what I want to achieve? 5️⃣ Demand specifics. “Be more strategic” is useless. Push for examples. What did you say? What should you have said instead? Feedback without examples is noise. 6️⃣ Look for patterns, not one-offs. One person’s opinion is bias. Three people saying the same thing is truth. Patterns reveal where you need to act. 7️⃣ Stop explaining. The moment you start justifying, you close the door to honesty. Take it in, say thank you, move on. 8️⃣ Test it in real time. Don’t just collect notes. Try the new behaviour in your next meeting, pitch, or email. Feedback without testing is just theory. 9️⃣ Keep receipts. Document feedback and your response to it. When it’s time for promotion, you show the growth curve — not just claim it. 🔟 Flip the mirror. Give feedback as much as you take it. The best way to sharpen your own lens is to hold one up for someone else. We call it “feedback.” The unprepared call it “criticism.” The ambitious call it “an edge.” What’s the most valuable piece of feedback you ever received?

If your feedback isn't changing behavior, you're not giving feedback—you're just complaining. After 25 years of coaching leaders through difficult conversations, I've learned that most feedback fails because it focuses on making the giver feel better rather than making the receiver better. Why most feedback doesn't work: ↳ It's delivered months after the fact ↳ It attacks personality instead of addressing behavior ↳ It assumes the person knows what to do differently ↳ It's given when emotions are high ↳ It lacks specific examples or clear direction The feedback framework that actually changes behavior: TIMING: Soon, not eventually. Give feedback within 48 hours when possible Don't save it all for annual reviews. Address issues while they're still relevant. INTENT: Lead with purpose and use statements like - "I'm sharing this because I want to see you succeed" or "This feedback comes from a place of support." Make your positive intent explicit. STRUCTURE: Use the SBI Model. ↳Situation: When and where it happened ↳Behavior: What you observed (facts, not interpretations) ↳Impact: The effect on results, relationships, or culture COLLABORATION: Solve together by using statements such as - ↳"What's your perspective on this?" ↳"What would help you succeed in this area?" ↳"How can I better support you moving forward?" Great feedback is a gift that keeps giving. When people trust your feedback, they seek it out. When they implement it successfully, they become advocates for your leadership. Your feedback skills significantly impact your leadership effectiveness. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Joshua Miller What's the best feedback tip/advice, and what made it effective? #executivecoaching #communication #leadership #performance

How you receive feedback Determines how successful you become (in career and life). 4 proven tips to help you gracefully accept the gift of feedback: 1/ Listen actively Why: By approaching feedback with curiosity, you show a willingness to listen to understand (vs. to respond) the other person's perspective. How: Maintain eye contact, nod to acknowledge understanding, and wait until the person has finished speaking before responding. Remember, listening doesn't mean you agree with everything. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts on my presentation. I'm curious to learn more. Can you elaborate on the areas you think need improvement and what advice you have on how I can approach these differently?" 2/ Seek diverse perspectives Why: Asking for feedback from different people gives you a clearer picture of what you’re doing well and where you can improve. Plus, it helps you spot patterns in how others see your work. How: After receiving feedback on risk management from one person, reach out to others for additional perspective. "I'm looking to improve the quality of my risk management and reporting within my program. Do you have any advice for me in this area? Your input will help me de-risk execution and provide more accurate representation to stakeholders." 3/ Take time to process and reflect Why: Feedback can sting at first contact. Taking time to process it helps you manage your emotional response and consider it objectively. You can then identify key takeaways and develop a plan for implementing changes. How: "I appreciate your feedback on my communication style. I want to take some time to reflect on your suggestions and consider how to incorporate them into my interactions with the team. Can we schedule a follow-up meeting to discuss my action plan next week?" 4/ Express gratitude and close the loop Why: Expressing gratitude shows that you value the person's time and effort in providing feedback. Following up proves you’re serious about improving. How: "Thank you for sharing your feedback on my project estimations. Your input on factoring dependency review timelines has given me valuable perspective. Attached is the revised proposal based on your suggestions. I welcome any additional feedback you may have." PS: Feedback is not all-or-nothing. Even if you don't agree with everything, there's usually something valuable to take away. PPS: How gracefully you handle feedback directly correlates with whether others will give it to you (again). Image Credit: Roberto Ferraro